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Literature Text
I woke up today
and suddenly there were
colors all over my hands
and your dead body at my feet
So I ran away,
without ever looking back,
and took the canvas with me,
so I could hang it on the walls
of my rib cage and call it
my love
Mother,
the sky is falling
because I keep making my lovers
into something they aren't
I keep killing again and again
in order to mold flesh into perfect sculptures,
and I can't stop
because even though I know I can't make
a home in arms made of plaster and paint,
I'm tired of sleeping alone
and suddenly there were
colors all over my hands
and your dead body at my feet
So I ran away,
without ever looking back,
and took the canvas with me,
so I could hang it on the walls
of my rib cage and call it
my love
Mother,
the sky is falling
because I keep making my lovers
into something they aren't
I keep killing again and again
in order to mold flesh into perfect sculptures,
and I can't stop
because even though I know I can't make
a home in arms made of plaster and paint,
I'm tired of sleeping alone
I want to feel something real
Comments12
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Take out the "and in the second line it weakens it.
I would have you expand on the idea of colors all over your hands. IT starts to invoke a great thought or image but then falls short.
remove the "and" in the fourth line.
take out "so" in the first line of the second stanza.
take out all the uses of "so"
"into something they aren't" explain this.
This poem gets weak towards then end.
I would have you expand on the idea of colors all over your hands. IT starts to invoke a great thought or image but then falls short.
remove the "and" in the fourth line.
take out "so" in the first line of the second stanza.
take out all the uses of "so"
"into something they aren't" explain this.
This poem gets weak towards then end.